


I'd rather be sad

by Finney13



Category: Preacher (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Drug Use, Fix-It, Fluff, M/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-14
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-12 05:12:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15988349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finney13/pseuds/Finney13
Summary: Cassidy finds out that Eccarius has been killing other vampires and confronts him. But it doesn't go quite the way he anticipated.





	1. I'd rather be sad

"We're this close to happiness" Eccarius said pinning Cassidy down to the coffin.  
"I'd rather be sad!" Cassidy shouted.

Eccarius stopped and stared at Cassidy who turned his head and was clearly more willing to die than to live with Eccarius' dark secret. He could feel a lump in his throat and tears building up behind his eyes. He wasn't willing to let go of Cassidy. Not now. Not now when he finally had found someone of his own kind. Someone who he loved.

Cassidy looked at him angrily. "Well, what are you waiting for? Get on with it already."  
"I... I can't" Eccarius replied and let go of Cassidy and stood up.

"I'm going to tell them" Cassidy yelled sitting up in the coffin.

Eccarius knelt down next to the coffin. "Please, Cassidy, please don't. I beg of you." He couldn't hold back his tears any longer. "I can't lose you. Please, don't do it. I'll do anything. Just, please."

Cassidy looked at Eccarius surprised of the remorse he was suddenly showing but wasn't fully convinced. "You're just playing with me. All you've done is played with me. You've played with them. You've lied to everyone of us." Cassidy pointed at the door. "I won't let you get away with it."

Eccarius looked at Cassidy with teary eyes. "I'm not playing with you. I never was playing with you. I know I have lied to you and Les Enfants..." He paused and swallowed, wiping the tears from his face while looking at Cassidy. "I... I never in all of the years I've spent alone thought I could feel like this. What I feel towards you. I..." he sighed and continued "I never imagined that there would be anything bigger, anything better in this world. And then I found you. Eternity is a long time to spend alone but now it doesn't feel meaningless anymore. Not when I'm with you, Cassidy." 

Cassidy's face softened, but he still was vary. "You're just saying that to keep me from telling them."

"I know it is hard to believe, I understand that." Eccarius hunched on the floor. "Go ahead and tell them. I don't care. If I can't be with you, then be it. Let me burn in the sun and you go on with your life. Alone. In despair. In endless boredom." he spat angrily, then looked at Cassidy and continued with much softer tone: "But know this: I love you."

Cassidy stared at Eccarius and tried to process the confession. He had feelings towards Eccarius and he knew that they both shared those feelings, absolutely, but love? Could that cold, calculating, manipulating vampire even feel something like that?  
"A moment ago you were willing to stop me from telling them by any means necessary. Do you honestly think I'd believe what you're saying?" he asked.  
"I can't live without you, Cassidy." Eccarius replied. "Not now when I know that there's something I hold more dear than myself. If I can't be with you, then nothing is worth anything anymore."

They both sat in silence for a long while. 

Kevin knocked at the door and peeked in "Um, are you guys ok? We're waiting for you."  
"No!" both Cassidy and Eccarius shouted and Kevin quickly closed the door. 

"So what do we do now, ay?" Cassidy asked. "You know you can't keep doing what you've done until now. You have to stop killing people. It has to stop. I won't let you do it anymore."

Eccarius sat on the floor wiping his face. "I'll stop. I promise. I don’t know how, but I’ll try" he replied silently. "Just don't leave me, please."

Cassidy still wasn't convinced but he decided to give Eccarius a chance. One.

"C'mon, get up here" Cassidy stood up and helped Eccarius up and to sit on the coffin. "I know what an addiction is like. God, I of all the people should know." Cassidy knelt in front of the sitting vampire. "Alright now, stop crying." He cupped Eccarius' chin in his hand. "I... I have feelings towards you too. I enjoy your company. I like doing things with you. I think about you when I'm not with you."  
The old vampire tried to fight back the tears and then looked at him.  
"I want to be with you. I want to share things with you. I don't know if that's love, but it's bloody close." Cassidy continued making Eccarius shed more tears. "Ay, stop it already or you'll make me cry too, dammit" he continued feeling tears building up in his own eyes.

Eccarius leaned down to kiss Cassidy. It was a long, tender and loving kiss. 

Cassidy felt his anger melting with the kiss. "God" he thought "I probably do love him."

"I really love you, Cassidy. I do." Eccarius whispered and held Cassidy's face in his hands. "I'll try my best.”

"Just so that you know, I'm not going to let you off the hook just like that" Cassidy said seriously. "First, you have to tell the Les Enfants to leave and to never come back. You need to tell them now."  
"I understand." Eccarius replied quietly. "I will."  
"And then we need to leave this place too. We can't stay here. They can't keep coming back to you if they don't know where you are. We need to get you as far away from them as we can" Cassidy continued.  
"I have a place on the other side of town where we can go. I used it a long time ago when I didn't yet have this place. They don't know about that at all" Eccarius suggested.  
"Alright then" Cassidy replied "Let's get on with it then, shall we."

Eccarius opened the door and walked into the lounge amidst his followers. Cassidy stayed behind and leaned on the door.

“I have come to a conclusion, mes enfants” Eccarius started “The blood ceremonies are over.”

“Why?” Kevin asked. The crowd of followers became restless and other questions were asked.  
“What about the worldwide vampire network?”  
“What about the vampires who already are out there?”

“I will not discuss my decision. I’m to leave and never to return. So should you. This…” he pointed around with his hand vaguely “This play has now come to an end. Go home. Have a life.”

“It’s Cassidy’s fault!” someone shouted and made the whole group of people agitated. “He has poisoned your mind, our lord! Grab him!”

The crowd lounged at Cassidy. 

“No this is not Cassidy’s fault!” Eccarius leaped quickly in front of Cassidy and stopped the crowd. “I will not discuss this further. Now, leave! All of you!”

The crowd stared at Eccarius still unsure if he really meant what he said.

“Leave!” Eccarius shouted with a monstrous voice. The people fled the cellar, trying to fit the narrow staircase all at once.

Once Eccarius and Cassidy were alone in the cellar Eccarius sat down on his throne and buried his head in his hands.  
“Are you happy now?” he asked from Cassidy.

“I thought you were going to throw me under the bus there for a moment. I didn’t think you had it in you.” Cassidy replied and walked to Eccarius and smiled at him. “I’m actually impressed.”


	2. It's not going to be so easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eccarius has banished Les Enfants. He's not fully convinced about the decision but he can't turn back.

I knew this day would come. When I had to stop doing it. Cassidy is a good reason for it though. But the rush of the kill - I don't know. Will there ever be anything as powerful? Can drugs do that? Can they even get close? I doubt it.

Eccarius was still sitting on the throne after Les Enfants had left, holding his head in his hands.  
"Ay, what's the matter?" Cassidy asked.  
"I don't know how I can do this" Eccarius sighed and looked up at Cassidy.  
"Well, from my point of view you've already started" Cassidy comforted him. "You know, it's going to be way more easier than weaning from drugs though. We still need blood to survive, but from now on it's going to be purely from blood banks."  
"And squirrels" Eccarius smirked.  
"Squirrel blood? Man, I didn't expect that" Cassidy laughed. "How many you had to collect to get even a tiny bit saved?"  
"Many" Eccarius chuckled. "Well, should we start packing then? I suppose you want to move us out as soon as possible."

Later Eccarius was sitting in front of his coffin where he had laid all his clothes for packing, again holding his head in his hands, thinking. 

I already can feel the first withdrawal symptoms. No, it can't be it, I just ate yesterday. It must be just in my head. I can't stop thinking about the kill and the new blood. The look in their eyes when they find out what is going to happen. When they find out who I really am, what I really am. And they can't do a thing about it. The rushing of the warm blood into my mouth, filled with adrenaline from the horrified body trying its everything to flee. How can I ever live without that again?

He had to bite his hand to keep the rush from getting overwhelming. Tasting the blood in his mouth gave him a small pleasure, but he knew it wouldn't last. It would never be enough. 

Only then he opened his eyes and saw his own blood on the silk of his favourite coat.

"Oh, no no no! What have I done!" he shouted.  
Cassidy rushed in to the room "Hey, what happened? Are you alright?"  
"I've just ruined my favourite coat! I bit my hand and spilled blood on it." Eccarius replied miserably.  
"Hey, it's just a coat" Cassidy hugged him "You can get new ones. And maybe that even can be cleaned. It's alright."  
"I'll never manage this!" Eccarius shouted and pushed Cassidy away.  
"Ay, don't start with that" Cassidy said with a stern voice. "I know it feels like it in the beginning. I'm here helping you. You're not alone in this."  
Eccarius tried to calm down. He looked at his hand that was still bleeding. Cassidy took it and kissed the wounds, licking the blood away.  
"You do taste delicious" he smirked and made Eccarius' face soften a bit.

Cassidy stood behind Eccarius and wrapped his hands around him, laying his head on his shoulder.  
"It's going to be alright. I promise." he whispered into Eccarius' ear. "You'll get past this."  
Eccarius sighed and put his hand on Cassidy's hands around his chest.  
"I will try. That is as much as I can promise" he replied.

Cassidy sighed. He knew he was playing with fire by giving Eccarius this chance. It would've been easy just to let the Enfants know about what a murderous monster their lord actually was and get it over with. 

But when Eccarius had begged him to stop and seeing him break down on the spot - he had remembered how much he had wanted to find someone, anyone, who would share the agony time brought. Who would understand the urges, the despair, the boredom, the need to stay in the shadows undetected from the rest of the world. He was bored to death, that was what he was. Jesse and Tulip had their own thing, and he felt like he was just the third wheel. Especially after what happened with Tulip.

But now he had something of his own. For the first time in a very long time. He had someone who really understood what it meant to be immortal. He had something he had been looking for ages: hope.

"Do you think you'll get all those clothes to fit in the boxes?" Cassidy asked.  
"I'll stack them into the coffins, if you don't mind." Eccarius replied. "I can't lose any of them and I hope that at least the coffins will make it to the new place in the lax hands of the movers."  
"You and your clothes" Cassidy smiled. "You're like them ladies. All frills and fancy silks and whatnot. Not that I mind though, I enjoy looking at you. My sexy pirate."  
Eccarius turned to look at Cassidy. "Your what?" he asked grinning.  
"Sexy pirate. Haven't I said that before?" Cassidy laughed.  
"No you haven't. And excuse me but I am not a pirate. I am a lord. A nobleman. Not some filthy robber of the seas. I have a prestige to maintain" Eccarius replied, trying to hide his amusement. "But I will grant you a permission to use it should you want to keep doing so."  
"Oh yes I will" Cassidy replied and grabbed Eccarius' arm pulling him into his arms and kissed him.

Being with Cassidy was something new to Eccarius. He was rejuvenating. He'd done things with Cassidy he hadn't done in ages. He'd done things he had never done. And he loved all of it. He felt love towards Cassidy and he felt loved in return. Cassidy was always there for him. Even after he found out about the murders. When he begged Cassidy not to tell about his secret to the Enfants he laid his life in Cassidy's hands and instead of crushing him Cassidy gave him a chance. 

Even though it wasn't going to be easy he was willing to at least try to chance. For Cassidy.


	3. Fighting demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eccarius is still fighting with his demons when he suddenly comes up with a solution. Kind of.

Cassidy was carrying last of the moving boxes into the house they had moved in with Eccarius from Mrs Rosen's cellar. The house was creole style with gorgeous iron railings on the staircases and balcony, high rooms and windows and big fireplaces. All windows had thick velvet curtains and walls were covered with patterned tapestries and paintings and candelabras were everywhere. The house was like a portal straight into the 16th century. 

It didn't surprise Cassidy one bit. Eccarius was so predictable when it came to style. He was a walking emblem of European mid-16th century style and truth to be told, Cassidy wouldn't have it any other way.

"How come you preferred the cellar over this? I mean, it was spacious but... over this?" Cassidy asked curiously as he laid the box on the floor of their bedroom where Eccarius was unpacking his clothes into the wardrobe.  
"Too much people. And too much people mean traffic, thus too much attention. Simple as that." Eccarius replied and turned to Cassidy "But now as it is just you and me it works well. Ah, Cassidy, please, go smoke on the balcony or outside. I don't want the smell staining the fabrics inside" he continued annoyed when he saw Cassidy light a cigarette.  
"All right, I'm going!" Cassidy lifted his hands with the lit cigarette and left the room. "Christ, I'm already being bossed around like a hired man."  
"I heard that!" Eccarius shouted from the bedroom making Cassidy chuckle.

Later that night once they had finished unpacking Eccarius laid on the sofa his head in Cassidy's lap, crackling of the fireplace as the only sound.  
"What's on your mind?" Cassidy asked Eccarius and caressed his black hair.  
"I'm afraid" he replied.  
"Of what?" Cassidy asked.  
"That I can't do this." Eccarius replied staring at the fireplace.  
"What? Living with me?" Cassidy teased.  
"No, not that" Eccarius smiled "Of that I'm quite certain I'll manage. I mean the abstinence from..." he paused. "From killing."

Cassidy stared at the fireplace. They sat in silence as he was trying to count down from hundred to keep his cool. He was still furious about what Eccarius had done but he had promised himself to give him this chance. He would have to try to help Eccarius to try to find something else to get his mind into to get him from falling back to his old habits.

"Well, I managed to stop by the blood bank earlier, we are all stocked up if you're worried about that. You can have as much of blood as you want, whenever you want. It's all there in the freezer." he started. "But for the mental part we probably need to come up with something that you can get your mind into."  
"You mean like more drugs and drinking? More than we already do?" Eccarius smirked and looked at Cassidy.  
"Well, that's an option" Cassidy laughed and continued "and I admire your determination to try to get better at it, even though you keep failing at it magnificently. Before you I had managed over 100 years without holding anyone's hair out from the toilet while they're throwing up."

Eccarius rolled his eyes but couldn't hide his amusement. He tried to keep up with Cassidy but his body kept letting him miserably down time after time.

"But I was thinking of something else. Like, sex." Cassidy stated and looked at Eccarius with a glint in his eyes.  
"I'm serious Cassidy" Eccarius replied and looked back at the fire.  
"Ay, you're doing alright so far. And we talked about this. If you get urges, just talk to me." Cassidy replied after short pause.  
"Well, I'm talking to you now, am I?" Eccarius said and got up to sit on the sofa. "I can't get my mind off it. The rush of the idea alone gives me, it's daunting." he continued, frustrated, looking down at his hands in his lap.

Cassidy suddenly remembered how big of a task he had in his hands with getting Eccarius off the thrill of the kill. 

"Just think of me. What it would do to me if you killed again." Cassidy said stoically staring at the fireplace. "I gave you just this one chance. There won't be another."  
"I know" Eccarius replied quietly. 

Cassidy looked at Eccarius after a moment and saw him looking miserable in the other end of the sofa. He moved next to Eccarius, taking his face in his hands. He hadn't seen Eccarius vulnerable like this before. He was filled by an overwhelming feeling, a need to protect Eccarius with everything he had. With his whole life.

"Ay, don't get all gloomy about it. Yer doing yer best, right?" he whispered and Eccarius looked at him. Then he continued: "You'll get past it, I know you will. I'm with you all the way."  
He kissed Eccarius who responded to it. Tender kisses turned into deeper ones, more raw and lustful as they fondled each other on the sofa.

"Well, I suppose the idea of using sex as first aid isn't so bad after all" Eccarius whispered into Cassidy's mouth making him moan.

Cassidy took off his shirt and Eccarius kissed his chest. Then he pushed Cassidy back to sit on the sofa and moved his leg over Cassidy's lap and sat on it. He kissed Cassidy again and then suddenly stopped.

"What is it?" Cassidy whispered.  
"I... Do you mind... um... Would you mind if I bit you?" Eccarius asked.

A cold feeling ran through Cassidy. Could he trust Eccarius with the very thing they were together trying to get him to stop? 

Eccarius noticed the hesitation and hurried to continue "I mean, it would of course be solely for sexual pleasure. For the both of us. And I'd allow you to do the same to me. Naturally."

"I suppose you could anyway kill me any time if you felt like it" Cassidy stated hesitantly. Eccarius was significantly more powerful than he was in many ways, thanks to his age and, well, killing other vampires.

"I do nothing you don't want me to do" Eccarius said and caressed Cassidy's face with his hand. "I love you, Cassidy. You can trust me."

Cassidy swallowed and looked Eccarius in the eyes. "Do it."  
Eccarius released his fangs and looked at Cassidy once more. "Are you sure?" he asked.  
"Yes, bloody hell. Go for it before I change my mind" Cassidy replied and smirked.

Eccarius bit him on the neck violently. Cassidy could feel the adrenaline rushing into his vein. The pounding of his heartbeat in his ears was deafening. He grabbed Eccarius' arms with both hands and tried to keep himself from fighting back.

Eccarius drank from Cassidy with beastly lust. The taste and scent of blood took over all his senses. The rush that came from hearing the pounding heart, pushing this nectar of the gods in his mouth, filled with adrenaline - it was overwhelming. For a moment he drowned into the thought that he could never get enough of it. That he wouldn't ever stop until it all ran out. 

Then he remembered who he was drinking from and stopped, horrified by the thought that he'd drank to much.

"Cassidy, are you ok?" he asked concerned, still with his fangs out.  
"I'm... alright, I guess. Bit woozy." Cassidy slurred and turned to look at him with a grin. "That was surprisingly... erotic. Just never do that when yer giving me a blowjob. I might lose more blood than intended."  
"Not to minimize your talents..." Eccarius said relieved and kissed Cassidy's neck where the bite mark was already vanishing from. Then he laid his head on Cassidy's shoulder and continued: "but that was better than sex."

"Better than sex with me? That?" Cassidy teased by sounding hurt by the words. He grabbed Eccarius' ass and lifted him from his lap to lay on the sofa and got on top of him. "I'll show you what's better than biting" he grinned and started removing Eccarius' pants making him squeal happily.


	4. The ultimate killing machine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eccarius' behaviour is getting suspicious. Cassidy faces him and get's a surprising answer.

Eccarius laid awake next to Cassidy and stared at the ceiling. 

He had been without a kill for 47 days. He knew he shouldn't count the days and he shouldn't indulge himself thinking of that precarious behaviour. But he couldn't stop the thoughts lingering in his head. They came back every time he didn't make a conscious effort of distracting himself.

Cassidy had been wonderful in allowing him to bite him and to satisfy some of his urges. 

But it would never be the same as draining a body from life. To take everything from another being without any remorse. First, to let them try to fight back, then to let them try to get away. To play with them before the inevitable end they never could prevent.

He chose his prey from far away, out of their sight. They never knew he had chosen them long before he mesmerized them to approach him. Sometimes he had sex with them before, sometimes he simply took them on an alley and killed them right there and then. Though that was way before Les Enfants. His very own little feeding flock.

He was the ultimate killing machine, on top of the food chain. Without the kill he felt like he was incomplete.

He got up and dressed himself. He glanced at Cassidy still asleep on the bed and left.

Some time later Cassidy woke up. He noticed that he was in the bed alone, again. Eccarius had left him sleeping alone for several days in a row. Not that there was necessarily anything wrong in that. Sometimes he had found him putting together a puzzle or stoned on the sofa or throwing up in the bathroom. Or reading. But for the last days Eccarius hadn't been home when he got up. It made Cassidy concerned. Something was up.

Cassidy got up and went to the kitchen to make coffee. After filling the brewer he took a blood bag from the fridge and stick a straw in it. Eccarius had drank quite a bit of blood from him last night and it made him feel light-headed. He knew it wasn't an optimal solution to Eccarius' problem but at least it kept the old vampire from killing others.

He heard the front door opening and closing and soon Eccarius walked into the kitchen.

"Where've you been?" Cassidy asked. 

Eccarius' face lit up and he replied enthusiastically: "I had to pick up something." He took a small box from his pocket and held it out. "This is for you."  
"For me?" Cassidy asked smiling and took the box and opened it. "Oh wow. What is this?"  
"You do know what a pipe is when you see one?" Eccarius asked with a smirk.  
"I know what a pipe is you moron. What's it of?" Cassidy said.  
"It's a unicorn. Your favourite." Eccarius replied with a smile. "I had it made just for you."  
"Does this mean that we're now going steady?" Cassidy grinned.  
"Didn't moving in together kind of already seal that?" Eccarius laughed.

"Hey, I was meaning to ask you this already earlier but didn't have a chance." Cassidy started. "Where've you been the last few days? I've woken up and you haven't been around. Is everything alright?"  
"Oh, no, everything's all right. I just haven't been able to sleep so I have had to take a stroll outside" Eccarius replied.  
"Well, the car hasn't been in the garage either." Cassidy stated and looked at Eccarius seriously. "I need to know where you have been."

Eccarius looked down at his feet and didn't say anything for a while.

"I've been..." he started and sighed. Then he continued: "I've been going to NA-meetings."

Cassidy was surprised by the answer. 

"Well, I didn't expect that. I mean... it's a good thing - no, it's a great thing." he said and looked relieved.  
"Yes, well, I am determined to keep myself in order for you." Eccarius replied and was still very interested in his feet.  
"Something is still bothering you" Cassidy stated. "What is it?"  
"I... I'm still dreaming about the kill." He paused and then continued:"And I woke up today almost biting you in my sleep. Like I've done on several mornings before that" Eccarius replied. "I had to go to the meeting today. And yesterday and the day before. I'm not safe to be around you, Cassidy." 

Cassidy was stunned. Was all they had been doing the last month or so in vain? Was Eccarius so addicted to the thrill of the kill that he simply couldn't get off of it?

"So is this it then?" Cassidy asked. "Is this your way of telling me that you're not willing to try any more to fight to get off it?"  
"No, no it's not. I just mean... I'm afraid I can't control myself and I end up hurting you. Or worse. And that is the last thing I want to happen." Eccarius said and hugged Cassidy  
"It might have not been the best idea to let you bite me if it triggered that kind of behaviour in you" Cassidy replied hugging Eccarius back. "Maybe you need to go all the way and stop even that."

What Cassidy didn't say out loud was that he was terrified. He was sleeping with a killing machine that couldn't hold his urges in his sleep. That could turn out very, very bad.


	5. A fighting chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassidy comes up with a solution to help Eccarius fight his demons.

Cassidy sat on the sofa, smoking his new unicorn pipe. He knew Eccarius didn't like him smoking anything inside except candles but right now he needed it. He'd helped Eccarius to bed earlier after he had passed out after two glasses of wine. Now he was drinking his third bottle of whiskey alone and was barely feeling tipsy. 

He was in such a deep mess. After hearing he could be easily killed in his sleep by a sleepwalking vampire he didn't particularly like the idea of sleeping next to him. Yet he loved the man. No, he adored the man. They both weren't perfect and they had their issues but they tried to work through them. And the sex, bloody hell, it was really good. He couldn't deny that.

But how do you control someone who can not control themselves? Should he allow Eccarius to kill just to keep himself alive? No, he couldn't do that. He wouldn't allow him to hurt anyone any more. 

He took his phone and made a phone call.

Early evening the doorbell rang. Cassidy opened the door and welcomed the man inside.  
"Eccarius, get up you lazy bastard. We have a visitor" he shouted upstairs and took the guest to the living room.

After a while Eccarius walked down the stairs holding his head, clearly having a hangover, but dressed.  
"Who is this?" he asked Cassidy and frowned.  
"I'm Dean Edington, I'm a psychologist. Your friend here told me you have some issues that I might be able to help with" the guest introduced himself.  
"Issues? What is he talking about, Cassidy?" Eccarius asked, as if he didn't know what the man spoke of.  
"C'mon Eccarius, he's specialising certain kind of addictions, like ones that include very specific activities."  
"So does he specialise in killing kind of addictions?" Eccarius snapped frustrated. "Because if he doesn't he's of no use but in one way only!"  
"Sir, calm down, please. I'm a criminal psychologist" Mr. Edington started "and I mostly work with serial killers. I am not here to judge you in any way. I'm here to help."

Eccarius sat down, stunned, and looked first Edington and then Cassidy.

"Am I going to get in trouble for this?" Eccarius asked.  
"Sir," Edington said "your friend told me that you're having very powerful fantasies about killing that haunt you day and night. I have developed a therapy treatment that I'd very much like to try with you. You will not get into any kind of trouble. You haven't done anything, right? Just fantasized about it?"

Eccarius looked at Cassidy, who nodded his head.

"Yes, just... fantasized. The biggest problem is that I sleepwalk and I'm afraid that I hurt Cassidy as the fantasies keep coming into my dreams as well" Eccarius said.  
"That is exactly the kind of activity I hope to relieve with my treatment" Edington replied. "If you're up to it we can have the first session right now."  
"Sure, why not." Eccarius replied and continued looking at Cassidy: "Thank you Cassidy."

After the session Eccarius sat on the living room smoking Cassidy's pipe. He didn't like the smoke stains on the tapestries and the smell got stuck in the curtains but for the first time he had hope about getting away from his urges. So he wanted to celebrate. Except that Cassidy was still out and he was at home alone. And Cassidy had drank all the hard liquor and also all of the wine the night before so all that was left was crack. 

The front door opened and Cassidy stepped in.

"Honey, I'm home!" he shouted and closed the door.

Eccarius laughed and Cassidy soon came to the living room following the laugh.

"So, how was the first session then?" Cassidy asked sitting next to Eccarius.  
"I think I have hope for the first time." Eccarius replied and passed the pipe to Cassidy. "I don't feel so anxious any more. Dr Edington really made me open my eyes."  
"So are you having new sessions soon?" Cassidy asked.  
"Yes, he's coming back tomorrow. We agreed that my situation is pretty bad so he wants to go through the treatment more intensively."  
"I'm fine with that. As long as you don't eat him." Cassidy smirked and made Eccarius laugh again. "Should we celebrate? I brought you one wine cooler so that you wouldn't go overboard."

Few weeks later Eccarius was, again, laying awake in bed, staring at the ceiling. 

He'd been without a kill for 62 days. Or was it 63? 64? He couldn't keep a track of the days any more. 

Edington's therapy had helped him a lot. He still went to the NA meetings but not as often. He had learned not to nurture the destructive thoughts and they weren't as strong any more they used to be. Also they were again sleeping in the same bed with Cassidy. Even though he still preferred the coffin from time to time. 

Nonetheless, for the first time he felt liberated from his old habits and being happy with his life with Cassidy. 

Someone knocked on the door. Cassidy wasn't around, so Eccarius had to get up himself. Half dressed he walked downstairs and opened the door.

"Our lord!" a crowd of people wearing all black greeted him in unison. Les Enfants had found him.


	6. Les Enfants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Les Enfants have found Eccarius and they have only one request.

Eccarius stared at the group of people all wearing black capes for a moment in horror and then quickly shut the door and leaned to it. This was the last thing he needed right now. He was already doing so much better and now his worst temptation was standing right outside. 

And as if things weren't bad enough Cassidy wasn't anywhere to be found. Eccarius had tried to call Cas but he probably forgot to charge his phone as it just said "the phone can not be reached right now".

He had to face this all by himself.

He opened the door again. 

"Mes Enfants, what are you doing here?" he asked.  
"We have been looking for you for a very long time." Kevin started. "I mean, we get it that you don't want to keep the old thing up any more. But we were wondering if you could do the ceremony one more time? Then we would be on our way and never bother you again."  
"I'm not doing it any more, as I already have said." Eccarius answered frustrated.  
"But please, we only want to be like you. If you can't help us, then we need someone who will. And we know no one else who could do it." Kevin said. "If you could do it one more time to one of us, then we wouldn't have to bother you."

Eccarius felt both conflicted between what was right and the temptation and satisfaction Les Enfants were now offering him. He was like an addict who was offered a fix when he's well on his way to staying clean. He knew what was the thing he should do and then there was this thing he had fought against so hard the last months.

He had missed the feeling of penetrating the skin with his fangs. The flow of fresh and warm blood filling his mouth. The rush the feeding triggered in him. The monster it woke up in him. The urge to drain the body once and for all right there and then. The rush of the hunt: showing his true self to the prey and then feasting on them, finishing them quickly and brutally - a rush only a kill could bring. 

He could smell the human scent of these young people, fresh and very much alive. He could hear their heartbeats bounding and blood rushing in their veins. He sighed.

"We don't have a billiard table but I suppose the dinner table works just as well" Eccarius said giving in to his urges and opened the door inviting the group in.


End file.
